I just don’t what to feel now days. Surrounded by feelings that I can never even explain. I can never understand what is on people’s mind. What they are thinking or even what’s their next move. All this while I’ve judge people by experienced and I manage it somehow but overtime people start to change and the way peoplw around me treat me will never be the same as before. Rarely it gets better but often it just got bad to worst. Sometimes I loose friends and gain some in the process but what can do with the ones that still with me. Sometimes I feel like going up to them and say FUCK OFF MY LIFE. But it ain’t gonna happen cause no matter what they still gonna be there. Unless they chose to walk away then that’s their choice. I’ve met all kinds of people and I’m still meeting them. And its just sometimes you expect so much from me and when I just ask for a bit in return you just give me crap. From tantrums, insults, talking behind my back, backstabbers, threaten and etc. I control my own life and I chose to stay cause I care for people I treasure. If I’m carefree and couldn’t care less about any of them. See if you can survive without me. And I know you all can survive without me but when I’m gone you just think about what you did to me and see if Hafiz was here. What would he do. I ain’t a wise ass or some scholar. I’m just normal average guy who just wants live life to the fullest and make everyone happy. As they say make yourself happy before others. Well I don’t cause I make others happy first cause seeing those smiles and laughter.
Expectations and more of them.
Why am I always the one always saying sorry?
I can never give the world to you cause I ain’t God. But all I can give is my honest self. Word.
Sometimes not all things can pleasure you in life..
As lay down in my bed crying and drowning in tears, I kept thinking about the things that had happened. Why must all this happen to me. I’m crying now as I type this crap knowing its so stupid but I need to get stuff of my chest. Knowing that my family is in a mess. Knowing working as a minority is always been bothering me. Having nearly zero amount of friends who I want them to be there for me can never be achieved. And knowing she so far away from me makes me wanna just jump off a building. I really feel that what I’m doing is never good enough. And people expected more from me. To be a better son, a hard worker, a caring whatever friend, and a ”perfect” partner as every girl says. But who am I? Am I any of those? Or am I trying to be one or maybe I’m just trying too hard to be like them when I’m already there. Mu heart aches when bad things between these things. Maybe God is punishing me for not being faithful to him. Wth he is. Even if my heart aches that bad. My life have to go on. No matter what it is. I still have put on a smile like I always do, walk on. I’ve been through worst in my life, things aren’t getting any better than where I am now. I rather man up and face this then run away like a coward. So what if I’m not fucking perfect, what if I’m not a good son or a hard worker. At least I fucking tried. With God as my witness I tried. And if that good enough for you people. Then so be it. Ok I feel better now. This post is a post of what I feel right now. And if any of you wanna relate to this post. Then do it at your own risk. Cheers.